Gary:
Right now you are down and out
And feelin' really crappy.

Nikki:
I�ll say.

Gary:
And when I see how sad you are,
It sorta makes me happy.

Nikki:
Happy?

Gary:
Sorry Nikki.
Human nature-
Nothing I can do.
It�s Schadenfreude
Making me feel glad that I�m not you.

Nikki:
Now that�s not very nice Gary.

Gary:
I didn�t say it was nice,
But everybody does it.
�Dya ever clap when a waitress falls
And drops a tray of glasses?

Nikki:
Yea.

Gary:
And ain�t it fun to watch figure skaters
Fallin� on their asses?

Nikki:
Sure.

Gary:
Don�t you feel all warm and cozy
Watching people out in the rain?

Nikki:
You bet.

Gary:
That�s

Both:
Schadenfreude.

Gary:
People taking pleasure in your pain.

Nikki:
Oh. Schadenfreude, huh? What�s that? Some kind of Nazi word?

Gary:
Yup. It�s German for �happiness at the misfortune of others�.

Nikki:
�Happiness at the misfortune of others�
That is German!
Watching a vegetarian
Being told she just ate chicken.

Gary:
Or watching a frat boy
Realize just what he put his dick in.

Nikki:
Being on an elevator when somebody
Shouts �Hold the door!�

Gary:
Oh yea!

Both:
No!
Schadenfreude�

Gary:
Fuck you lady!
That�s what stairs are for!

Nikki:
Ooh- How about:
Straight A student�s getting B�s�

Gary:
Exes getting STDs�

Nikki:
Waking doormen from their naps�

Gary:
Watching tourists reading maps�

Nikki:
Football players getting tackled�

Gary:
CEOs getting shackled�

Nikki:
Watching actors never reach�

Both:
The ending of their Oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!

Gary:
The world needs people like you and me
Who�ve been knocked around by fate
�Cause when people see us
They don�t want to be us
And that makes them feel great

Nikki:
Sure.
We provide a vital service to society.

Both:
You and me!
Schadenfreude
Making the world a better place
Making the world a better place
Making the world a better place to be!

Gary:
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!